Things have been weird recently. Spring break was this past week and I decided not to pick up any extra time at work so I could have some time to myself. This semester has been really draining, bring on campus for most of the day and then a good portion of the evening spent in the library then a weekend full of work and getting drunk.
So I worked all last weekend but I had made plans with someone when I got off work Sunday night. While I'm at work my brother calls me and tells me he was coming down to see some people and that he was going to spend the night in town. I haven't seen my brother in about 6 months and so of course I was really excited to hang out with him. However I really wanted to keep the plans I had already made so I worked out something in my head that would let both work, we would go to a neutral location and things would be fine. But then my brother and I started drinking on the porch, I mean it was the second beautiful night of the season. So I invited the person I'd made plans with over to drink with us. Things were going well other people came over and we all hung out like all of us used to do and it was really nice. Then people started to leave and my brother told me he was going to bed, I was going to try to see the person who I'd invited over home but unfortunately I'd gotten way too drunk and she went home on their own, I feel like I kind of let them down because plans between us are kind of tentative as is and something that had no chance of interruption, did just that.
The next few days were spent catching up with people I haven't seen in ages. Some of them girls, and while it was nice I've come to realize that it's much like having Arch-Rivals. It's not about the actual fight it's about the art. I wouldn't know what to do if a girl actually wanted to pursue something with me. Maybe it's some deep seeded insecurity about myself, this is the first time since I've come to college that I haven't had a steady girlfriend. It's not like I can't function without a girlfriend, I don't feel that I am in any way codependent on another person but I just... I don't know. I feel better when I have something to chase, but I'm like a dog and cars I'm not sure I'd know what to do if I caught one.
I do feel like my life has been kind of a mess these past few months though. Now mind you that could be because of a huge number of factors and while correlation does not equal causation it is kind of weird that things have been so weird now that I'm in this situation. But I'm getting ahead of myself, there's alot on my plate as I've talked about before and I just need to take a deep breath, keep my head about me and finish out this semester.
On a good note though, I feel like the chase is back on. A real chase this time, and while for most the chase is full of uncertainty and doubt, the chase is a welcome change for me. I'd rather have a serious super villian trying to kill me than a hand full of jack asses in costumes who don't know what they're doing.
2 years ago