Thursday, April 30, 2009

On Shutting the Fuck up Boy

And thus the duality of my life rears it's horrid head once more. I'm ecstatic because I'm graduating in 17 days (done in 6). I'm heartbroken because I've lost one of the greatest things I've ever experienced.

So many questions I want to ask. So many throats I want to slit.

I've been listening to Why? almost nonstop recently. I'm really into it and if you don't know about it check out the link.

Still wondering what to do about the recoverable part of the situation, I could possibly slavage it and turn things out for the better but I don't know if I want to put the effort into it.

Took my first final today, we'll see how things go. Two more to go.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

On My Brother's Blood

In 2 days I'll be done with classes.

In 10 days I'll of taken my last final.

In 20 days I'll be walking.

In 3 months I'll be leave the house I've lived in for 3 years.

In 1 year I'll be leaving Richmond.

So many questions still unanswered, so many questions that have come up in the past few days. So many questions that I thought were answered that have resurfaced.

The three classes I have finals in I need to get 98, 108, 104 to get the grades I want. My plan is to study for each one intensively and independently because I have a few days between each. 71/64/73 will be good enough for 2 of them but one of them I have to get the upper grade. I'm not sure if I'll be able to pull it off and that really scares me. I'm making flashcards but that's going questionably well.

Listening to my favorite music is self destructive but I can't help it. I want to listen to it.

I'm thinking of making another mix tape.

I want to know how things are going but I've promised myself I won't come back, if you want to you need to come to me.

I just want it to be like that night when my mattress was on the floor and we listened to music.

We've all got to grow up though, I guess that's what the moral is. Things change, people change, the situation can never stay the same.

I wonder if you still plan on coming to my graduation.

I wonder if you're thinking the same things that I am. I know your not but it's nice to pretend.

I almost wrote again today. I haven't written in a long time, I always wish I wrote more. Short stories/screenplays/comics etc. However I don't practice and plan these things enough for them to be decent so when I do end up doing something like that they're horrible. I still wish I had written today but I had a good day otherwise.

I just want to be focused for 10 days. That's all I ask, I want to block out everyone and all the bullshit going on for 10 days. I just want to do well this semester.

So tired of it all.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

On Bad Luck

Yesterday I was enjoying the weather with some friends on my porch. Then a bird shit on me. Three people (and the opening scene in Fable II) said it was good luck. One other person told me that witches had cursed me.

I'm beginning to believe the latter.

It's either that or this blog is bad luck. It seems like every time that I post that things are going well here they turn to shit within a few days. On Mornings was no exception. I'm worried that my decision to stay has interfered with someones plans and because of that it has caused them strife. Whatever I (should be) talking to you within the next few hours so hopefully things will work themselves out.

Wish me luck, I may be leaving after all.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

On Mornings

12 Days. 2 and a half weeks. 22 More Classes. After that, I'm done with college. I graduate in less than a month, in less than a month I'll be walking across the stage at the Sigel center and receiving my diploma. Holy. Shit. It's crazy, it blows my mind. But I feel like I'm better set up than most of my peers. A B.S. in Psychology means nothing really, at best you can get lab tech jobs so graduate school is a must. I have a really good in with Dr. Porter, I've worked in his lab for about 2 years now, I'm doing a study under his supervision, he's even pulled some strings to get me into classes. Either way around the time that grad school applications were due Dr. Porter tells me that funding is tight within the depatment and they may not be taking on new students so I may want to look other places. Of course I procrastinate and end up with 2 weeks to look at other schools. I tried looking into schools, programs, and professors but it was too much and so I decided to take a year off. I think I'd previously mentioned that I wasn't sure if I was leaving Richmond or not.

Well recently I was talking with Cory , with who I had talked about moving to Chicago with, and he still has another semester left so Cory and I decided to get a place together hopefully with a 6 month lease then go from there. So what changed my mind? I may be able to extend the Tech Job I have now with Dr. Bettinger. Things with me and someone else are going well, not to say that I'm staying for them, but I'm not leaving because of them which was the original driving force behind leaving. Cory also said that once he'd graduated he'd go wherever with me so that will be nice if we do end up deciding to move I'd have someone with me.

Speaking of jobs, I essentially got fired the other day. I work at a corporate bakery/cafe, and I've worked there for awhile. When I first started working there it was still a franchise and things were amazing, I came back after about a year of being gone to a new store. The same GM that hired me but this store is top 5 selling stores in the country and fastest order time in the country. So I think the stress have driven her crazy, and her little staff of underlings is not much better. Anyway, we throw away whatever bread the homeless shelters don't come to pick up at the end of the night. The other evening I was working and it was supposed to thunderstorm right when I got out, so I got a friend to pick me up. When he got there, after we'd closed I ran out side and gave him bread. Long story short the next day when I come into work there's a 2 page write up about the incident and the last paragraph says that I'm suspended until the issue is "resolved" I said fine here's my 2 weeks. So I'm actually really pumped, I now have time to myself, I can focus on my school work, and I have another job lined up to start in the summer. I'm pumped.

So all in all things have been going pretty well for me as of late. Cross my fingers so they stay this way.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

On How Much Difference 24 Hours Can Make

I've had a really good 24 hours. Like phenomenally, everything is wrapping up nicely. I'll expand more later, possibly tomorrow.

Topics Include:
Post Summer Plans, Professionalism, Panera, Tutoring, Summer, etc.

Tune in. Good night.