On Arch-Rivalry

Things have been weird recently. Spring break was this past week and I decided not to pick up any extra time at work so I could have some time to myself. This semester has been really draining, bring on campus for most of the day and then a good portion of the evening spent in the library then a weekend full of work and getting drunk.

So I worked all last weekend but I had made plans with someone when I got off work Sunday night. While I'm at work my brother calls me and tells me he was coming down to see some people and that he was going to spend the night in town. I haven't seen my brother in about 6 months and so of course I was really excited to hang out with him. However I really wanted to keep the plans I had already made so I worked out something in my head that would let both work, we would go to a neutral location and things would be fine. But then my brother and I started drinking on the porch, I mean it was the second beautiful night of the season. So I invited the person I'd made plans with over to drink with us. Things were going well other people came over and we all hung out like all of us used to do and it was really nice. Then people started to leave and my brother told me he was going to bed, I was going to try to see the person who I'd invited over home but unfortunately I'd gotten way too drunk and she went home on their own, I feel like I kind of let them down because plans between us are kind of tentative as is and something that had no chance of interruption, did just that.

The next few days were spent catching up with people I haven't seen in ages. Some of them girls, and while it was nice I've come to realize that it's much like having Arch-Rivals. It's not about the actual fight it's about the art. I wouldn't know what to do if a girl actually wanted to pursue something with me. Maybe it's some deep seeded insecurity about myself, this is the first time since I've come to college that I haven't had a steady girlfriend. It's not like I can't function without a girlfriend, I don't feel that I am in any way codependent on another person but I just... I don't know. I feel better when I have something to chase, but I'm like a dog and cars I'm not sure I'd know what to do if I caught one.

I do feel like my life has been kind of a mess these past few months though. Now mind you that could be because of a huge number of factors and while correlation does not equal causation it is kind of weird that things have been so weird now that I'm in this situation. But I'm getting ahead of myself, there's alot on my plate as I've talked about before and I just need to take a deep breath, keep my head about me and finish out this semester.

On a good note though, I feel like the chase is back on. A real chase this time, and while for most the chase is full of uncertainty and doubt, the chase is a welcome change for me. I'd rather have a serious super villian trying to kill me than a hand full of jack asses in costumes who don't know what they're doing.

On Music (Update)

Albums I need to look out for:
Asobi Seksu - Hush
We Were Promised Jet Packs - (untitled)

Shows I need to buy tickets to:
The Pains of Being Pure at Heart (5/4 Chapel Hill)

Artists I downloaded which are now in my listening que:
Portugal. The Man
mewithoutyou
Asobi Seksu (Live Album)
Ted Leo (Two Albums)

Discographies Still Downloading:
The Magnetic Fields
A Shower and catching up on Skins is on order I think.

On Being Sick Again

So whats been going on recently.

This evening I took a "computer literacy" test that my university requires each student to take before they graduate. It's impossibly simple tasks (use word count, delete this column from an excel file, switch between two windows) so simple that I wondered why they required something like this of ready to graduate college seniors? Shortly after I began taking the test a girl sat down next to me and began to take the test as well. I then realize why they set this test as a requirement. I'm not sure if she was just scared by the testing environment or if she was just confused by the poorly worded questions, but she was on the phone with her friend and had to read aloud most every question and ask how to do that task to her friend. I almost wanted to lean over and help her through it all but I ended up not doing it. She was timing out on almost every section and those sections shouldn't have taken more than 10 minuets at the maximum. You would think that by the time you had about 120 under your belt you would have been exposed to enough computer handling that you would know what you were doing. But I guess that's why they have this test in place.
Regardless it took me about 2.5 hours. Grant it I was facebooking and chatting to people while I was doing it but still, entirely too long.

I'm sick again, I was hoping that I wouldn't catch whats been going around and that it was just what I had earlier in the season, but sure enough Friday and Saturday I had a runny nose but nothing more so I didn't change anything, I went out both nights smoke, drank, etc. Sunday I woke up feeling like complete shit, I was weak, cold, and aching. I thought about calling out but knew it would never fly so I got a friend to give me a ride to work. As soon as I got to work I was freezing, even some of my coworkers noticed that I was shaking and people said I looked horrible. A few hours into my double I warmed up a little but my back began to hurt and I was aching all over really badly. In the long run I'm really glad I got a ride in because the snow came and we closed early (gasp!) due to the weather, I got a ride home and convinced someone not to walk (from willow lawn to the fan) in the heavy snow. As soon as I got home I curled up in bed and passed out. Slept for 13 hours and woke up to a snow covered Richmond. University was closed and I decided to take the day off from the lab. Ended up going to Pearly's for breakfast with my roommate and a neighborhood friend and one of our other neighbors was working that morning decided that our money was no good that morning.

I'm beginning to worry about my semester a bit. I'm not doing as well in my classes as I'd like. I really enjoy them but maybe it's senioritis, maybe its everything else going on but I can't find the focus to study. I'm fairly certain that I bombed my Drugs and their Actions test today. Not a good way to spend your second test. Not doing so hot at all in Neurobiology, and I'm considering dropping Asian Medicines and Asian Religions. If I did that then I could work Wednesday nights and drop Saturday mornings which means I could at least come in to run test points or sleep if I have none. I've been missing alot of test points because I can't run Saturday mornings. One of the grad students has been nice enough to tack an extra group for the past few weeks but I feel bad because I'm making him spend more of his Saturday in the lab when I'm sure there's other things he could be doing.

On the upside things are looking good for me to get my Athena sleeve over spring break. I've been talking to Justin alot and I've told him I'm free all break and that I get paid on the Tuesday of. So we'll see how that goes.

On Last.FM

I joined Last.FM
Friend it up.

On the Street Value of 7 Tons of Cocaine.

Oh yeah I meant to show you this.

According to Cha Cha: at a value of $700 dollars/ounce. That was about 168,800,000 dollars worth of Cocaine.

Shaboing Mexican Navy, Shaboing.

On Not Sleeping

So things have been going oddly decently. Odd in a way that they're good but at the same time not. School is really beginning to kick my ass and getting into work mode is harder than I thought it would be, I'm getting distracted a little too easily and I don't really like it. I feel like I have no time at all to take care of some things that need my attention outside of school, which I am also against. But all of that isn't so much the odd part.

Things between me an a specific person have reached an odd plateau, and while I feel in the long run the decisions we've made are for the better it is still weird. We talked the other day and while that put a fairly definitive cap on things it only seemed to make the problem worse. It's still manageable at this point but we haven't made it through a weekend, and I suppose that will be the real test of how this is going to work. I hate to say it but in a way I hope that said person will falter first, but I'm not sure what I would do if they do so. As much as I've hoped and wish for that day I still can't help but feel that it's all some kind of elaborate front.

I can be a pretty paranoid person, I'm not sure if I've talked about this here or not before but I sometimes wonder if I have some sort of mental handicap or there is another situation going on that dosen't allow me to realize I have a mental handicap. I see the world as I see it but really the only reason people pay any special attention to me, give me the breaks they do, or make friends with me it because they feel bad for me, there's some greater power that is setting all of this up for me. I almost feel like this is all a TV show about my life and this is all the major points of my life are pre-scripted. Didn't Jim Carey star in some kind of movie like that?

But I digress, School is kicking my ass, a certain person has to be written off, I need to find a new job, I need to take care of things, and summer is quickly approaching.

I'm leaving the home I've known and loved in August. I need to make ammends.

I used to have this dream/nightmare as a kid, it usually involved me crawling through a really really small space to get to this tree house type room. I never really understood it. About 6 months ago I had the same dream. Only this time after I got into the room, I found myself in a large grain field, a powerful figure appeared before me. I think he was wearing a robe, he may of had some kind of wings, either way he told me I had one year to atone for my sins. That was August 28th. I may be working myself up into a frenzy but that's going to be an extremely auspiscious day for me. I wish I could stop thinking about it so I don't set it up that something major happens that day. I want to forget about it and let things play out as they would, so that when it does happen I can know that I didn't force the invisable hand of fate.

There's so much on my mind right now I don't even know where to begin. I just need a day off to relax and sort myself. Maybe I can work that out sometime soon.

I may edit this in the morning.

On Procrastination

Where have I been the last few weeks?

School is finally gearing up and just as predicted my science heavy scheduel is beginning to drain my time and kick my ass. All this week I'll leave the house around 10-10:30 and not come home till 11 or later. Classes, studying, working in the library, etc. I'm not that worried though, while I am busy and not able to be at home and relax much I have breaks so that I can sit down for maybe a half hour or so and just dick around online or what have you. This also means that my classes are just starting to get interesting.

I need to start sleeping more or get a better handle on my ability to stay awake. I have 3 classes around the 4-6:40 slot this semester, and I seem to have a hard time staying awake. One Asain Medicines and Asain Relgions, I could care less about falling asleep in because I've heard all the religious parts of this course 4 times now, and most of the medical stuff comes from the books were supposed to be reading (side note get on the next book now so it dosen't sneak up on you). The other one is Drugs and Their Actions, which I've sent some non-class e-mails back and forth with the teacher and seen her at a talk or two, but it's still really embarassing that I've fallen asleep. My third 4-640 class is the biggie, Research Methods in Biopsych, my grad level class. We went downtown to listen to Division of Animal Research give us a talk about animal care. I knew I was falling asleep but I tried to let it not happen or not be obivous about it. Well when your at a conforance table with 6 people it's kind of hard to be inconspicious. Reguarldess when we stood up to go on a tour one of the grad students let me know that I was really obviously falling asleep and that she thinks the speaker noticed. That was horrible, I don't get embarrased easily, but that made me kick myself really hard. The tour ended up being kind of dull though, as most of what she showed us was like our vivarium at Monroe. The monkey lab tour is coming up though so I'm still really excited about that.

I saw the Tim and Eric Awesome Tour last night. I had only found out about it the day before and I'm really really glad that I went. DJ Douggpound was really tight. Highlight include: "Fuck that" "put that in your sound pussy" and the Dane Cook sound bites. Alot of the TEASGJ was there for the performance, and I can't put into words how awesome it was.

Great Job